FAQ: The Buzz on the Birds and the Bees

By Isabella Liss
Photographs by Yaeesh Collins

Capetonian sex workers Cohen* (27) and Nico* (27) answer commonly-asked questions, and challenge assumptions about sex work.

*Names have been changed. Cohen (he/him or they/them) and Nico (they/them) both identify as non-binary. They live together as primary partners within a polyamorous relationship.

Who are the clients, and how do they behave?
Cohen sees homosexual tourists, and married men who aren’t satisfied in their sex lives. Nico specifically presents as feminine to attract bookings from men looking to affirm their masculinity. Whoever they are, clients usually demand a connection beyond physical intimacy. “Emotional labour is harder than the physical at times,” Nico admits. “My blow jobs would be worth a few thousand rand more if I included the price of emotional labour,” Cohen laughs. They believe people find a sense of anonymity in booking with a sex worker, leading clients to confide in them. This can make them feel like psychologists. People will vent about their personal lives, the services of other sex workers, things they cannot tell their peers or own spouses. Simultaneously, clients will fail to recognise sex workers as three-dimensional personalities and fetishise them. “Like a person with a penis’s body," Cohen says.

Nico describes their experiences as sometimes uncomfortable or awkward, with clients behaving in a “socially strange” manner. “I can tell if this client is bored or disinterested. Or sometimes people are just really weird, and that’s hard to get through.” It can make for a puzzling encounter. “I’m like, are they enjoying themselves? Do they hate it? Do they hate me? There’re so many strange people out there in this world,” Nico ponders. Cohen has worked in the United States, and reckons sex workers have similar experiences everywhere. “Clients over there feel the same as they do here [laughs]. They look the same, they feel the same, they talk about the same things.”


Is there a method to charging clients?
Pricing structures depend on the community in which one works. “You’re just gauging yourself against other people in the field, just like anything else,” says Nico. Generally, the Cape Town sex work community sets bodily standards. Nico believes white workers who are physically in-shape have the ability to charge more, in line with Western beauty ideals. A full service booking taking place at one’s residence usually starts at R1 400. Blow jobs are around half the price of penetrative sex. Cohen and Nico agree on prices before bookings.


What would you like clients to know?
Cohen is frustrated with people who negotiate pricing. Nico feels they don’t value punctuality, as a client should for any service. “Show up on time!”


What precautions do you take in practising safe sex?
Sex workers may find this an invasive question, and have the right not to answer. It comes up often because people are curious from a public health standpoint, or eager to pass judgement. In reality, sex workers aren’t the only people having regular sex. Anyone who is sexually active has the same responsibility. “What does the next person do to prevent the spread of STDs, ya know?” Cohen says. “I don’t think sex workers really deserve that question. That sort of thing can stay as opaque as it does for everyone else.” Nico agrees. “We always have to prove that we’re doing our job to [mitigate the spread of] STDs. When really there’re people [everywhere] fucking without condoms.” They add that while it’s in the best interest of public health to have healthy sex workers, their jobs don’t include access to medical aid or healthcare in South Africa. One shouldn't pass judgement, as if sexual health equates to a degree of morality.


But sex work is really dangerous!
Nico acknowledges they are privileged in that they are able to walk away from clients with whom they don’t feel comfortable. They’ll even refuse bookings. “Sometimes people will text me, and I can even tell through text that they’re such an asshole and I’m not gonna meet them,” they say. Nico believes white sex workers that present as female often have more options in choosing clients. Cohen briefly comments that an option like working without protection isn’t ideal for everyone. “If you do work without a condom, you’ll have way more money, way more gigs. But your life will be way more anxious. That’s the risk you take.” Most South African sex workers are in position that doesn’t allow them to be picky, and must book clients that pay as well as possible. Cohen, who was assaulted, knows this all too well. “I’ve never been in a situation where I could refuse a client. I’ve always needed money.”

It’s worth noting that sex work doesn’t have to be dangerous. The growth of online platforms such as OnlyFans now means sex workers can perform through webcams from their own homes, never having to meet a single client personally or reveal their identities. This has also been particularly useful for sex workers under lockdown, where one couldn’t have physical contact due to COVID-19.

Full-service sex work will only be safe when workers have legal rights to healthcare and their wellbeing. This is why it is important to spread awareness regarding decriminalisation. It’s imperative that the public and sex workers alike contribute their ideas to the cause. Laws made to “protect women” are often prejudice in disguise. Nico tells of the crackdown on brothels in the United States, where women are surveilled to the point where multiple sex workers are not allowed to live together in the same apartment. Often, they choose to do this for security purposes, and it provides them with a support network. Sex workers who practise with no one else’s knowledge or support are more at risk of assault. It’s a classic example of what happens when legislation is passed without consulting those who it affects. South African society also tends to hold the belief that sex work is synonymous with gender-based violence, as it is to be expected that workers are abused in this profession. In these ways, our attitudes surrounding sex work are what's really dangerous.

One of the greatest dangers of being a South African street worker is subjection to police brutality. As of a 2019 study, SWEAT found that 33 percent of sex workers had been sexually assaulted or raped by a police officer. The numbers are likely much higher, as most cases go unreported. Instances of police violence against sex workers climbed during lockdown, with many experiencing repeated arrests in trying to earn a living. Unable to adhere to lockdown regulations, the sex worker is labelled with a lengthy criminal record. They are unable to seek alternative employment with this criminal record, and the cycle repeats itself. Perpetrators of violent crimes or gender-based violence (particularly amongst the police force) do not receive such harsh treatment, and continue to abuse their position of power. A culture of fear persists. SWEAT concluded their 2017 study detailing police violence with a telling quote from the victim interviewed; “Even though the man raped me and stole my cell phone, I am more frightened of the police than I am of that man.”


Sex work is immoral
Morality is subjective, just like interpretation of religious texts (what people generally mean by “immoral”). Judging someone else’s relationship with religion or their own sexuality is arguably “immoral”. But what about having sex with clients whose partners are unaware of the transaction? Is it an ethical dilemma when someone who didn’t consent to involvement becomes indirectly involved? Nico absolves themself from the situation, believing they’re just there to complete the job. Nothing more. In any case, clients often lie and there’s no way to discern the truth. If a client is involved romantically with another, it’s the client’s responsibility. A client’s relationship can never be a sex worker’s responsibility. But this by no means makes it an easy task to deal with, Cohen confirms. “The fact that I know these people are married just shows the emotional labour I have to do for a lot of my clients.”

What about bookings that challenge a sex worker’s own morals or values? Cohen has been asked to re-enact Apartheid fantasies with white male clients. This can be degrading, but they choose to view it as empowering. However disrespectful, the client must pay a great deal of money to be used to Cohen’s benefit, shifting the power dynamic.


Are you discriminated against?
The prejudice is expansive. “South Africa, as well as many other places, lives and breathes discrimination against sex workers. It’s a moral issue for many people for some reason,” Cohen says. “I can’t tell my mother what I do for extra money. That’s also discrimination. My mother doesn’t like sex work.”

Nico believes they’re well received in their own personal circles — where it truly matters. But outside of that, the discrimination becomes invasive. “I’ve had people receive me in a reception at a hotel who have not wanted to tell me where the room I’m going to is because they know that I’m a sex worker.” It’s reason to keep their thoughts surrounding sex work to themselves. People are not willing to think critically about it, and resort to patronisation. “I’ve had people at [popular Cape Town restaurant] come up to me and say I don’t have to live like this,” Nico recalls.


Do sex workers have romantic relationships and partners?
Nico has always had intimate partners while practising sex work, usually sex workers themselves. They believe it’s a relationship strength, and they can “rant about clients” together. “Like any other relationships talk about jobs,” Cohen says. Nico relays that Cohen “didn’t bat an eyelid” when they revealed themselves to be a sex worker (they met previous to Cohen practising). The response showed Cohen to be very accepting. Non-judgement and effective communication are essential foundations to everyone’s relationships, romantic or not. It’s a principle that applies to everybody, regardless of their career.


Do you see yourselves in sex work forever?
Cohen is adamant. “As long as I can, I will continue to sell my body.” This is as long as they are able to manage the physical exertion. Nico’s answer is simple: “I know I’m good at sex, and as long as someone finds me hot, I’ll still be doing sex work.”